Discworld Combat
by kangaroo joe
Summary: Ok, a slightly dodgy title but i couldn't think of anything better. im working on writing some more VERY QUICKLY. thank you for reading this, if you do. if you don't, then, erm....no thanks. PS is discworld mortal kombat.


DISCLAIMER: I OWN SOME OF THE CHARACTERS BUT NOT OTHERS…..YOU FIGURE IT OUT.  
  
A scrolling background of wasteland being struck by storms, which eventually gives way to the side of a mountain, before zooming out to view the edge of the disc. The camera pan down to view the elephants, and further down to the turtles eye. The camera then zooms out further to show everything.. A deep booming voice speaks  
  
WELCOME TO THE DISCWORLD. THIS IS A WORLD UNCONCERNED WITH THE RULES OF LOGIC OR PHYSICS. A WORLD MADE BY A CREATOR WITH AN IMAGINATION. AND IT IS ABOUT TO FACE WHAT IS POSSIBLY ITS GREATEST THREAT.  
  
Cue start up sequence  
  
Start up sequence ends  
  
Scene descends onto a desert scene illuminated by a moon. A chase is in progress, between two similarly clad men on camels.   
  
The leading man turns and screams "Ahmed, you son of a female dog!!! You know you cannot catch me, and even if you do, what then? Arrest me? Give up now!!!!"  
  
The man referred to as Ahmed says nothing, and kicks his camel into a higher speed. He draws up alongside the other man, and draws his sword.  
  
He stands on the saddle and leaps from one Camel to the other. At least, that was the plan…Midway across, a voice is heard which says "HE IS WORTHY" and Ahmed disappears.  
  
Scene shifts   
  
We are now in dojo, in which a young auriental woman is practising martial art  
  
She kicks twice to the left, drops down on one knee for a lightning sweep then uses the momentum from that to flip herself backwards. She lands on her feet then jumps high in the air and becomes a localised tornado of kicks on a passing moth, always making sure she avoids actually hitting the creature by a quarter of an inch. As she falls back towards the ground she hears a voice which says "SHE IS WORTHY" and disappears. Moments later a middle aged man in spectacles opens the door and says "Butterfly? Butterfly? Oh, where could she have got to….."  
  
Scene Shifts   
  
We find ourselves in a drinking pit near the hub, illuminated by candles. It is full of muscular sweaty barbarian heroes  
  
A man of even more immense muscular proportions strides through the throng., pushing other out of his way. He is clearly very drunk, although not to the point when he loses major motor functions.  
  
He marches up to a table where an elderly man is sitting with a number of empty beer mugs in front of him. The giant reaches down and grabs the mans' most recent mug, one that still has some drink in it.  
  
The old man grins up at him, and the candle light reflects of his teeth.   
  
"So its like that is it?" he says.  
  
"Yeah…your day is over old man. You have grown weak."  
  
There is a swishing noise and the giants head falls to the left. The man in front of him doesn't appear to have moved.   
  
"Old I may be, but weak I ain't…Serving girl, get me another….."  
  
Another what was destined to be unknown, at least for the time being, as a booming voice said "HE IS WORTHY" and the old man disappeared, leaving nothing but an empty beer mug, an unpaid bill and a set of diamond teeth that fall to the floor.  
  
scene shifts  
  
An elderly wizard with a huge great staff with a knob on the end walks down a misty street. He passes by some warehouses, and stops to get his bearings.  
  
He hears noises coming from the inside of the building, and stands ready.  
  
A high window breaks, and a man in tattered armour rolls down the roof, along with a scruffy fellow with a knife in either hand. The doors to the warehouse burst open, and three men run out.   
  
"OI!! YOU!!!! Hold it right there!!" the wizard says.  
  
"Shove off granddad." says the largest of the three. "You cannot use magic except in situations genuinely life threatening to yourself. We ain't threatening you, so we'll just take this stuff and go."   
  
The wizard responds but punching him in the face with enough force to send him flying back through the doors, and smacking up the other two with his staff.   
  
"Who said anything about magic?" he says, and gets out his pipe.  
  
The men on the roof finally reach the gutter and begin falling. Through sheer luck, the man with the knives ends up on top, and places the knives so that when they land, they will go straight through the neck of the guardsman. Then a voice is heard saying "THEY ARE WORTHY" and the guard and the wizard disappear, leaving the thief with broken kneecaps when he hit's the cobbles.  
  
Of course, wizards never explicitly display their staves in public. They do have some decency you know. If you find the Implications of a huge wooden staff with a rounded knob on the end amusing, then you are more then likely sex starved. 


End file.
